Back in the Day by John K Rosemond
When I was a child, back in the Parenting Stone Age (a.k.a. the
Parentocentric Era), your parents were the most important people in the
family. They paid the bills, bought your clothes, prepared the food you
ate, took care of you when you were sick, drove you to where you needed
to be, tucked you in, and kissed you good
night. They were essential.
Your parents acted like they were
bigger than you were too, like they knew what they were doing and didn't
need your help making decisions. In fact, your opinion really didn't
matter much. When they spoke to you, they didn't bend down, grab their
knees, and ask for your cooperation in a wheedling tone. They spoke in
no uncertain terms, and they thought you were smart, so they only said
anything once. The rule was very simple: They told you what to do, and
you did it, because they said so.
Your mom and dad paid more
attention to one another than they paid to you. You didn't think about
that at all. It was just the way it was. But looking back, you sure are
glad you weren't the center of the family universe. You were a
satellite, orbiting around their solid presence. They even told you, on
occasion, that you were just a little fish in a big pond. You didn't
understand what that
meant, of course, until you got out in the big pond and began to
realize that putting oneself into proper perspective greatly improves
one's life and the lives of those around him.
They bought you
very little, so you appreciated everything you had. And you took care of
it. When your bike broke, you figured out how to fix it. Or your dad
fixed it. In either case, you understood you weren't getting a new one,
not any time soon. You loved your mom and dad, but you left home as
early as possible because you were absolutely certain you could make a
better life for yourself than they were willing to make for you. And you
were right!
Back then, elementary school classes often held more
than forty children, most of whom came to first grade not knowing their
ABCs. Back then, your mother didn't give you much, if any, help with
your homework. Yet at the end of first grade, and every subsequent grade
in fact, those kids
were outperforming today's kids in every subject, and today's moms
think good moms help with homework.
Today's parents still pay the
bills, buy the clothes, prepare the food, and so on, but by some
strange twist, they treat their children as if they are the most
important people in the family. Parents don't act bigger any more
either. When they talk to their children, they get down to their level,
like they're petitioning the king, and they whine, as in, "Do you think
you can stop what you're doing for a minute and help Mommy carry in the
groceries?" The rule seems very simple: Parents ask children to do
things, and children take their requests under consideration.
Today's typical mom and dad pay a lot more attention to the children
than they do to one another. They also talk more to them, do more for
them, and take more interest in them. It would seem that today's parents
are the satellites, orbiting
around the children, who are obviously big fish and getting bigger all
the time. And so, today's kids leave home later, and many of them come
back home (the so-called "boomerang child") because they never learned
certain fundamentals, as in don't spend more than you earn.
Sometimes people accuse me of what's called "Golden Age" thinking. I
"idealize" the 1950s, they say. I disagree. I only say what is
statistically verifiable: The 1950s was a better time for kids.
According to mental health statistics, we were happier than today's
kids, by far. In that regard, the latest research finds that obedient
children are much happier than disobedient children. The latest research
also finds that kids from homes where their parents' marriages are
strong do better in school, regardless of IQ.
There I go again-idealizing common sense.
Read more of John Rosemond's articles
here.
